Inspirational Quotes from the Editor

The editor of Cheeseburger Press cares a great deal about people and so therefore likes to throw out a lot of slogans and cliches to help them. Here in this feature we will be presenting gems, as often as possible, straight from the half-functioning brain of the editor himself.

Laugh like the joke wasn't funny. Dance like the beat sucks. Learn like you're continually distracted. Love like you are in an abusive relationship that you can't escape. Live like you're in a concentration camp.

By PJL (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html), CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/) or CC-BY-2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5)], via Wikimedia Commons

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Vast Majority of Facebook Users are Livin' the Dream

Group of people livin' the dream. By woodley wonderworks [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Frank Vickerson knows his friends are having a good time almost every minute of their lives. He knows this because they keep telling him this via their Facebook status updates.

"Drinkin' whiskey and eatin' mashed potatoes! I'm livin' the dream!"

Group of mostly women, livin' the dream. Bennett, Flickr. Some rights reserved.

Yet another friend, seemingly contradictory, gives mixed messages about his dream, though apparently he's still "livin' it".

"Worked 12 hours straight, I'm totally exhausted and brain-dead, so I'm getting sloshed. I'm livin' the dream!"

This seemingly mundane activity, meant to appeal to those with a foot fetish, is a form of livin' the dream. burkhard55, deviantART. Some rights reserved.

Many have come to the conclusion that it only just takes one bit of superficial, but magical, activity to turn life into a dream fulfilled. Many status updates on Facebook reflect this seemingly impossible fact.

Frank admits it doesn't make sense to him. Candidly he said that he thinks his friends are either very confused and stupid or have a wicked sarcastic sense of humor.

A couple women getting ready to go out on a girls night out, an activity closely related to "livin' the dream". MagdaleneSobeck, deviantART. Some rights reserved.

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Why I decided to stop having bowel movements

First of all, it's a lot of work. Bowel movements. That is a lot of time and energy that could be put to better use. And you waste a lot of waste. Why let go of anything that you could hold on to?

Probably many of you are thinking it's not possible. Anything's possible. We all have dreams and you can make your dreams happen. To prove it to you, I'm going to let you know exactly how I did it.

1. Whenever I've had the urge to have a bowel movement, I just think about something else. Easy as that. For instance, I think about riding a little tricycle. 
2. If the little tricycle mind trick doesn't work, I think about bouncing around on a pogo stick while wearing a beanie with a propeller.
3. I clench up real tight-like. Works. 

So, as with most things, it's a matter of using the mind and self-control. You have it in you and you can do it.

You never want to find yourself doing this again. By Original author: Rama, Vectorisation: Fred the Oyster (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-2.0-fr (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/fr/deed.en)], via Wikimedia Commons

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