Man is Really Tired of You Kids Lolly-gaggin'

Man in Connecticut is really tired of you kids lolly-gaggin'. Here is his full statement at a recent press conference in New Haven:

"What in tarnation?! What in the name of all that's good and holy?! For cryin' out loud! Heaven's to mergatroid! Shucks! Wake up and die right!"

At some point the man got up and put on his dusty old hat and claimed he was fed up with these darn kids.

"For Pete's sake! Gee willikers, anyway! Darnit to heck!"

Shocked at his unbridled display of anger, the crowd at the press conference dispersed when the man broke out the verbal Big Guns.

"What in Sam Hill is the matter with you kids?!"

After the press conference, the man fill his pipe and smoked a little tabackie and started the coffee pot to perkalatin'.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kenlund/

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Man Kills Himself After Facebook Makes Another Change on Timeline

Sick of the constant changes on Facebook and unable to cope with the new format, Hank Sinberg killed himself Friday.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/charleskremenak/

Wife of 3 1/2 months, June Sinberg, said Hank went into a deep depression last time the Social Media giant made changes to the profiles and feed.

"He hated change, and he hated learning new things." she said proudly.

It turns out Hank has been divorced seven times and only met June about 4 months ago.

His widow currently runs Hank's Facebook profile, and takes donations on her new website to help pay for dog food and make up.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cliche/

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Why Are Squirrels So Horrible?

Yep. Evil.

So, what is it about squirrels? Why are they so horrible? We all know that they are, but hardly anyone will seriously answer the question as to why they are so horrendous. I will tackle this issue with precision and timing.


They Only Eat Nuts

Yep. Only nuts. That's dumb. Why? Because I can't see why they can't have a Cheeto Cheese Puff once in awhile.

Is that all you want your diet to be? One thing? Just pork chops? Doesn't make sense.

Dark and sinister, you just can't trust them.

 

They practically live in trees

Not all the time, but much of the time they are in the trees. They come down out of there periodically to beg for food. Which is another reason they're worthless. They aren't productive and all they do is eat...nuts.

I know what you are thinking: Well, other animals live in trees.

Like monkeys.

Well, monkeys don't just eat nuts, so figure that one out.

They Fight Too Much

I've seen it. They chase another squirrel around a tree, looking stupid, and none of us know why they're doing it.

They Don't Care About You

They're not much help. I was moving my friend's couch the other day, and the squirrels at the apartment complex didn't do anything but crack their nuts.

I've been taking care of my aging Mom too, and the squirrels do nothing.

Worthless.

Do I Have a Point?

Yes, I do.

I hate squirrels.

I don't really care if you think they're cute. You like their tails, the way they demolish nutshells, and you like watching them jump from the trees.

Big deal.

I don't like them.

They're losers.

I really don't need to explain it to anybody.

 

Why Is He Harassing This Snake? Can You Tell Me That?

 

 

    

Squirrel Poll

Squirrels are

• Dumb
• Stupid
• Losers
  

                

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